The Daily Standard has some of Dick Cheney's jokes from last night's Gridiron dinner. Here are some "questions" from journalists that Cheney answers.

Dave Broder: "How would you accurately describe
your role in this administration? Be honest."

I would say that I am a dark, insidious force pushing Bush toward war and confrontation. . . .

Helen Thomas wants to know, "How do you justify attacking innocent dictators?"

Helen, let me get back to you on that. I need to talk to Richard Perle.

Terry Hunt of AP wants to know, "Has Senator Kerry had Botox treatments?"

Terry, I have some guidance on that from Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz:

"The Administration takes this development seriously. Botox, of course, is related to the botulism toxin, which can be processed into high-grade biological weapons. We have dispatched Dr. David Kay . . . to search for the bio-warfare agents we believe hidden in Senator Kerry's forehead. If Senator Kerry has used botox as part of a wrinkle enrichment program, he is in violation of U.N. Resolution 752. Upon receiving Dr. Kay's report, the weapons of mass destruction that Senator Kerry so adamantly insists do not exist . . . may well be above his very nose." End of statement.

Susan Page of USA Today asks, "What do you think of Senator John Edwards?"

I think he's cute as a button. . . .


Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, it's getting late . . . and Nino [Scalia] and I have to get up early to go duck hunting . . .

I know that these are supposed to be humorous fake questions, but that one from Helen Thomas sounds legitimate. Can't you picture her asking that?